


Repair His Heart

by critterdee_67



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childhood Friends, Dating, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad with a Happy Ending, time apart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-13 21:10:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20180785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterdee_67/pseuds/critterdee_67
Summary: Dean stands frozen, face pale, hands shaking slightly and eyes fixed on where Castiel is standing across the room...His heart had shattered into a thousand pieces as his eyes fell on the man holding Castiel's hand. He was looking at Castiel with the same expression that Castiel use to look at Dean with. That longing, that joy...





	1. At First Sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean stands frozen, face pale, hands shaking slightly and eyes fixed on where Castiel is standing across the room... His heart shattered into a thousand pieces as his eyes fell on the man holding Castiel's hand. He was looking at Castiel with the same expression that Castiel use to look at Dean with. That longing, that joy...

Dean stands frozen, face pale, hands shaking slightly and eyes fixed on where Castiel is standing across the room. Of course, he knew Castiel was going to be here... It being his plan to attempt to speak to his ex and take some small step in the direction of amends...

But his heart shattered into a thousand pieces as his eyes fell on the man holding Castiel's hand. He was looking at Castiel with the same expression that Castiel use to look at Dean. That longing, that joy...

Dean releases yet another painful clench of his broken heart that Castiel has noticed him and is staring with that adorably confused frown on his face... and Dean, does what anyone would do in the same situation... He turns on his heel and speed walks out of the museum…

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_5 Years ago…_

Dean sits up on the couch when Castiel knocks twice and enters his house - such is their routine. They have been friends since Junior High School and dating since tenth grade. They’re familiar with each other’s home and families. 

Castiel is holding a thin white envelope. His stance is tense, and Dean knows the letter is from his preferred school by the look on Cas’s face. 

Dean lays the chip bag on the coffee table and wipes his hands on his jeans. He holds his arms outstretched and open in invitation. Castiel’s face softens as he takes in Dean’s offer. He makes his way across the living room and sits on the couch next to Dean, leaning back against him. Dean wraps his arms around Castiel’s chest, hugging him from behind. 

“I - I couldn’t open it alone,” Castiel murmurs in a hushed tone.

“I’ve got you.” Dean whispers against Cas’s hair, “Let’s see what they have to say.”

Castiel carefully, slowly peels the envelope open, pulling out the neatly folded letter. His hands shake slightly as he unfolds the single paper. His eyes closed; he takes a harsh intake of breath and lets it out slowly. 

“You’ve got this, babe.” Dean gives Cas’s shoulders a squeeze, “Read the letter. They have to want you; you’re an amazing student.”

Castiel opens his eyes and focuses on the paper. He reads aloud. He reads the letterhead, to Mr. Castiel Novak, he reads every word of the greeting. Then he gets to the actual body of the letter, and he pauses. He turns and gives Dean a quick kiss. “For luck.” And he reads the letter.

“Dear Mr. Novak,” Castiel reads in a shaky voice, “Oh God… It’s with great pleasure that I write to inform you that you have been accepted…” his voice cracks and he begins to mumble the rest of the first paragraph. “Dean. Dean, I - I’ve been accepted.” Tears well up in Cas’s eyes. Castiel twists around in his seat and kisses Dean full on the lips. It’s sloppy, and Castiel is giggling, neither of them can stop smiling long enough for a real kiss. Dean hugs him tighter. 

“We should celebrate!” Dean grins, “Let’s go to the Roadhouse; get some good burgers.”

Castiel readjusts and wraps his arms around Dean’s neck, leaning in he kisses him properly. Gentle kisses turn into a regular make-out session. 

There is a thump at the top of the stairs, “I know you guys are kissing, so stop it so I can come down to the kitchen.” Sammy calls from the stairs. Dean and Castiel fall apart from each other, laughing.

“You’re saved, jerk. Do your thing.” Dean calls to his little brother. 

Sammy passes by the couch and swats Dean on the head, “You’re so gross,” he sasses as he twists out of Dean’s reach. 

“It won’t be long before you don’t think kissing is so gross, Sammy,” Cas states, his eyes fixed on Dean’s, leaning in for another quick kiss. Sammy makes a gagging sound from the kitchen.

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_Present Day…_

Dean sits in his car, sweating in the heat because he hasn’t started the car, nor has he rolled down the window. Things weren’t supposed to happen this way. He was going to meet with Castiel, and they were going to talk. Like adults. Clear the air. Make things right.

But, Cas is with someone else. Of course, he is. Why wouldn’t he be? He’s smart and kind and beautiful. A person would be a fool not to see how wonderful Cas is. Dean is a fool. Dean had Castiel in his life and fucked everything up. He left Castiel before Castiel could leave him. 

Dean rolls down the window to try and get some fresh oxygen into the car. The heat outside is slightly less than the stifling heat inside the car. He leans his forehead against the steering wheel — such a fuck-up.

His phone buzzes in his pocket. 

Pulling out his phone, he sees a new text from an unknown number; he opens the text. 

** Unknown number> Dean. This is Cas. I asked Benny for your number. Was that really you I just saw?**

He lays the phone next to his leg on the bench seat. Folding his arms across the top of the steering wheel, he presses his face on his forearm. His phone buzzes again. He doesn’t look. He knows it’s from Cas. He’s not ready to see what Castiel has to say.

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_4 years ago..._

“You don’t understand, Cas.” Dean grumbles, “You got into your dream school. What am I supposed to do? Bag groceries the rest of my life? I’m not college material, and you know that.”

“Dean, there’s no reason you can’t go to the Tech School. That’s not a “Fancy College” like the one I’m going to. You wanted to be a mechanic, what happened to that?”

Dean flops down on his bed. Dejected. Depressed. Destroyed. 

“School costs money that I just don’t have, Cas. I need a job. A real job.”

“A job, sure. But, Dean, the Army? Really?”

“Look, you’re going to be gone, across the friggin’ country at your _ Fancy College _. I can spend those four years in the Army and get real training for a real career.”

“And you could get deployed somewhere dangerous.”

“Yeah, and I could get hit by a bus downtown. Cas, the Army will put me through school. I can learn to be a real good mechanic.”

Castiel looks down at his hands, frowning. “I thought you were coming out East with me. I thought you wanted to stay together.”

“Dammit, Cas. I’m not your fuckin’ lap dog. I need to earn my own way. I can’t just follow you out East and get some dead-end job.” Dean yells. Cas sniffs. 

“Don’t you fuckin’ cry,” Dean growls.

\----------X----------

Monday finds Dean at the Army Recruiter's office in the strip mall across from the grocery where he and Cas work. He only has half an hour for his lunch break.

His fight with Castiel on Saturday is still fresh on his mind and still stings. Cas had cried, and Dean held him. But, they never settled things. Cas was still admittedly against Dean joining the Army. Dean grumpily standing his ground. 

Dean talks to the man at the desk and sets an appointment to come in and speak with the Recruiter on a day when he has more time. He’s coming back on Wednesday; his shift doesn’t start until one in the afternoon. 

He doesn’t tell Castiel.

He runs to the McDonald’s and grabs their lunch and heads back to find Castiel waiting on the dock of the Grocery store. Cas works as a cashier. They eat their lunch together. Cas talks about summer plans. Dean nods and tries to listen to Cas’s excited ideas of swimming and camping and hanging out. 

Dean will tell him after the appointment on Wednesday. 

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_Present Day…_

Dean takes a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh. He picks up his phone as it pings with another new message. 

** Unknown number> Dean, where did you go?**

** Unknown number> I’m still here, are you coming back?**

** Unknown number> Please come back.**

Dean reads Castiel’s messages and reads then again. 

** Dean< Cas, I just can't. I’ll text you tomorrow.**

Dean hits send and wipes his hand down his face. He takes a little white pill from the bottle in his pocket and swallows it dry. He needs to stop the panic attack before hit hits in full force. 

His phone pings.

** Unknown number> I’m sorry.**

Cas talked to Benny. What did Benny tell him? Have they stayed in touch like Dean and Benny? Questions swirl around in Dean’s mind. 

Taking deep, controlled breaths, Dean calms himself. He starts the car. He drives home.

\----------X----------

Dean wakes with a pounding headache. Side effects of his meds, because he hasn’t had a drop of alcohol in over a year, now. Ever since he was put on meds for his PTSD and depression and stupid panic attacks. Ever since his medical discharge. He learned quickly that booze and meds don’t mix, that week was worse than the flu and seven hangovers all at once.

He ambles to the kitchen to get some coffee in his system. He forgot to set the timer on the coffee maker last night; he’ll have to wait. Standing in front of the open fridge, he downs a glass of orange juice while he tries to think of what to have for breakfast. While he tries to think. He rubs his eyes with his thumb and index finger, pushing against the pain in his head — the coffee finishes. Dean closes the fridge and sits at the table, sipping the hot liquid and trying to think.

After a breakfast of cold cereal, Dean showers and dresses for the day. He has therapy this morning. Lunch with Bobby. Something in the afternoon. What was it? Oh, errands. The bank and groceries. 

On his way out, he grabs his keys, wallet, and phone. He stares at the black screen of his phone. He remembers Cas’s texts. He remembers Cas standing hand-in-hand with another man. His headache returns. 

Dean has been seeing this counselor since he returned home. The Vet Center gave him a list of options, and he liked her name, Missouri Mosley. Anyone with a name like that has to be good people. And she is. Dean feels very comfortable talking with her. Which says a lot, because he never opened up to the white-coats at the veteran's hospital. He answered all the questions and retold his combat story, but he never shared his feelings.

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_4 years ago…_

“I can’t believe that you leave for basic training so soon!” Cas flails his arms and stomps around Dean’s bedroom. 

“Cas, I put it off as long as I could. They wanted me to ship out in two weeks.” Dean attempts to placate his boyfriend.

“Two weeks!” Cas squeaks.

“Yeah, but I got it moved out two months. Besides, it's around the same time you leave for school.” Dean tries to get Castiel to sit with him, but Cas is too busy pacing. “We still have the summer.” Dean stands and stops Cas’s tyrate by placing his hands on his shoulders. “Cas, babe. We can still do all the fun shit we talked about, none of that has changed.”

“But now, you’re leaving for the Army.”

“Yeah, and you’re leaving for school.”

Castiel leans into Dean’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder. Dean wraps his arms around Cas’s back. Cas holds tight around Dean’s waist.

“Will you get to come home for Christmas?” Cas asks, just above a whisper. 

“That’s sure a long way off, but yeah, I will.” Dean kisses the back of Castiel’s head. “How ‘bout we focus on having fun this summer? Ya know before we have to start acting like adults for the rest of our lives.”

\----------X----------

Between their minimal hours at the Grocery store and maximum hours hanging out, they don’t talk about college or the Army. 

They spend a lot of time at the local pool, not even minding that Sammy has to tag along. Pool time is playtime and Dean, and Cas get to feel like kids again. There are camping trips with Dean’s family and a trip to the lake with Castiel’s. They talk about right now, about the upcoming weekend, about pizza and sodas, but they don’t talk about the future beyond the end of July. 

The 4th of July rolls in with a bang. Both families go together to watch the city’s fireworks display. The giant, colorful circles are mirrored beautifully on the river, and the whole show is backed by the local symphony playing in the River Market pavilion, which is piped through the speakers along the boardwalk. Dean and Cas sneak off while the families are watching the show. Sitting on the hood of Dean’s dad’s car, they can't hear the music as well from the parking lot, but they can still see the lights in the sky. They make out under the flickering lights of the fireworks. 

By mid-July, Castiel’s mom has him packing a trunk full of crap for his dorm room. Cas talks about dorms and mini-microwaves. But, he doesn’t talk about actually leaving. 

The third week of July, Dean receives notice that he has to be at Fort Benning, Georgia by July 28th. That’s a whole week earlier than his original date. Castiel’s flight is on August 6th. This information is not pleasing to anyone. 

They finally talk about leaving. Well, they try. It turns into the same fight they always have about Castiel’s disdain for the military and Dean’s need to branch out on his own. Neither listening to the other’s point of view. Sammy bangs on Dean’s door and tells them that Dad said to hold it down. 

Cas grabs his shoes and starts putting them on.

“What are you doing?” Dean asks, the wind suddenly knocked out of his sails. 

“Going home.” Castiel grouses, not looking at Dean.

“But…” Dean has run out of steam and out of words. He sits next to Cas and rubs his hand up Cas’s back. Cas pulls away from the touch and glares at Dean. 

“Fine. Go home, if you want to be an ass about it.” Dean crosses his arms over his chest and leans away from Cas. 

“Maybe I do wanna be an ass. Then I can see what it’s like to be you!” Cas grabs the doorknob, swinging the door wide open. 

“The hell, Cas?” Dean stands and reaches for Castiel’s hand. Cas jerks his hand away. “Cas?”

“I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Cas says with his back still to Dean. Cas stomps down the stairs and out the front door. 

Dean is still standing with his mouth open and his hand on the edge of his bedroom door. 

“Fine!” He shouts, too late, before slamming his door.

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_Present Day…_

After his therapy session with Missouri, Dean meets up with Bobby for lunch. For all his gruffness, Bobby has a special place in Dean’s heart. Dean always knew Bobby wasn’t a real uncle, but his dad’s best friend and boss for many years. Even still, he thinks of him as an uncle to this day. 

Bobby is about as touchy-feely with feelings as Dean is, so it surprises Dean when Bobby asks about Castiel. 

“Well, Benny mentioned you askin’ after the boy. That’s all.” Bobby grunts when Dean balks at the subject of Castiel. 

“I, um, I did. Benny told me where he was gonna be and that I should meet up with him, ya know, to catch up and shit.” Dean rambles. 

“So, did’ja? Catch up and shit?”

Dean stares at his food like it might do tricks on his plate, he swallows around the lump in his throat. “Um, no.”

“No? Well, was he not there - where Benny told’ja he’d be?”

“Oh, he was there. He was there with his boyfriend.” Dean can feel the anger and humiliation and fear and confusion, fighting for dominance in his mind. 

“Oh. OH.” Bobby grasps the situation. “So, you turned tail and ran.” Not quite a question, more a statement. Bobby knows Dean too well. 

“He got my number from Benny and texted me. Asked me to come back inside. But I couldn't. I, um, told him I’d text him today.” 

“Have you? Will you?”

“I will.”

Dean can’t finish his lunch. He bids Bobby farewell and walks back to his car. 

Sitting in his car, with the window down, he pulls out his phone. He stares at the brief conversation from last night. He stares until the screen goes black. Dean hasn’t saved Castiel’s number. Cas may not want him to have his number after they meet-up. Dean’s not the same person he was before, not since the incident, not since he saw the gruesome, evil side of humanity. Cas would be right not to want Dean in his life. Besides, Cas already has someone; he doesn’t need Dean. Dean stares at the conversation until his screen goes black again. Finally, he begins to type a message, which he deletes. Tries another and deletes that one too. What does a person say to his ex four years later? He settles on something simple. 

** Dean< Hey, Cas.**

He presses send and waits. 

** Cas> Hello, Dean**

Dean smiles, then frowns. What now? He thinks of the best way to meet up.

** Dean< Can we meet for coffee?**

** Cas> Sure. Do you have a place in mind?**

No. Dean hadn’t thought it through that far. He stares out the front window, looking at the street for answers. His phone pings.

** Cas> I know a nice shop.**

Castiel sends him the name and address of a coffee shop in town. 

** Dean<Thanks. When are you free?**

** Cas> How about … 5:30 this afternoon?**

That would give Dean plenty of time to finish his few errands and still have time to get his shit together before meeting Castiel. 

** Dean< 5:30 it is**

** Cas> See you soon :)**

Dean drops his phone on the seat and sighs. He thanks all the phone and internet gods for the power of texting, because he would never have made it through that conversation if he had to use spoken words.


	2. The Meet Up

The coffee shop is busier than Dean assumed it would be for the time of day. He stands in line and takes in the atmosphere of the little shop, which he soon realizes is more a cafe than just a coffee shop. The place is clean and feels calmer than those chain stores. The tables are scattered about and mixed with overstuffed chairs and couches. It appears to be the type of place that they don’t mind customers staying a while. There is an assortment of people lounging and chatting and sitting at the tables with their laptops. Dean notices the various deli and baked goods in the display case. He wonders if Cas still loves brownies as much as he used to. When Dean reaches the front of the line, he orders a plain black drip coffee. 

Coffee in hand, he finds a table for two where he can watch the door. Because, of course, he arrived early. 

Dean sits and fiddles with his phone. He tries not to let his mind wander too far because that’s how the doubt seeps in. All those ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ and other useless, unhelpful thoughts. Dean doesn’t think about Castiel’s hand entwined in that of another man’s. He doesn’t think about the look in that other man’s eyes. He definitely doesn’t think about the last time he held Cas’s hand, and Cas looked into his eyes with that same expression of longing, of joy, of…

The bell over the door jingles and Dean’s attention is drawn back to the present. He watches as a young couple enter the shop. He glances around the room, then sips his coffee, checking the time on his phone. Eighteen after five. 

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ 4 years ago… _

Dean disembarks the plane and walks down the long corridor toward the arrivals waiting area and the baggage claim. He knows that his family and Castiel are waiting for him. He’s a little surprised when he sees Bobby, Benny, and the Novaks, including Cas’s little sister Anna, all waving and holding a variety of ‘Welcome Home’ signs. 

His mom is the first to break rank and smother him with a hug and kisses. His dad pulls him into a full hug, and Sammy encircles them both with his skinny arms. Cas stands back and impatiently waits his turn, their eyes meet while Dean is being suffocated by his family. Dean gives Cas a wink and Cas answers with a shy smile. 

Cas and Dean have been texting and calling each other daily over the past week since Cas got home from school for Christmas break. They know that the parents want to spend time with Dean before they get to sneak off for some alone time. So they’ve made other plans.

Dean gets his duffle bag from the carousel, and Sammy practically begs to be the one to carry it to the car. Dean lets him if only to make it easier to hold Cas’s hand. Sammy leads the way to the cars, grunting and straining to carry Dean’s heavy duffle. 

Dean and Cas pile into the backseat of the Winchester’s family car. Dean loves his dad’s sleek, black 1967 Chevy Impala, and still holds out the hope that it will be his one day. 

Dean threatens Sammy quietly as the boy gets into the car, “If you can’t keep your mouth shut on the ride home, you get to ride in the Novak’s minivan.”

“No kissing, then.” Sammy counters.

“Mouth shut, or else.” Dean points a finger in Sammy’s face. 

On the ride home, Dean and Cas hold hands, and sit very close together, as close as seatbelts will allow. Dean kisses the knuckles of Cas’s hand, Cas blushes and glances at the parents in the front seat. Cas leans close and whispers and Dean snickers, Dean whispers back, and Cas hides his face with his free hand. 

“Mom,” Sammy whines.

Dean pinches Sammy’s leg and points a finger, glaring, reminding Sammy of his earlier threat. 

Sammy doesn’t want to find out what the ‘or else’ means because it’s never good. It could be a noogie or a wedgie or itching powder in his underwear. So, he sits back and pouts quietly. 

“Boys, be nice.” Mom says in her, ‘or I’ll return your Christmas presents' voice. 

The two families spend the afternoon together at the Winchester house, chatting and snacking. There are a thousand questions for Dean. He answers them and regales stores of basic training and his specialized training in mechanics. 

No matter where they start off in the room, throughout the afternoon, Dean and Cas gravitate toward each other and end up holding hands or a hand on the lower back of the other. At dinner, they sit next to each other and press their legs together, foot to knee between their chairs. They can’t seem to stop touching each other no matter how hard they try in front of the families. 

After dinner, the Novaks go home, and the boys are finally excused. Sammy goes straight for the video game console and Dean and Cas head straight for Dean’s room.

Dean shuts the bedroom door, and Cas presses him against the wall, capturing his mouth in a needy kiss. 

“I’ve missed you so much,” Dean pants against Cas’s neck between nibbles, “hang on.” Dean turns on his radio, so the room isn’t so silent. “I wanna suck you off. Can you keep quiet enough?”

Cas nods, “You know I can. If you hurry, I can finish you off too, before your mom or Sammy comes to check on us. Is the door locked?”

Dean grins and nods, “Shit, babe. Get on the bed.”

Cas undoes his jeans and sits on Dean’s bed, leaning against the headboard with his jeans and underwear pulled down past his ass to free his dick.

“You know, the guys in my squad figured out pretty quick that I’m gay. I was scared at first, but they were mostly cool about it once they figured out I wasn’t going to jump somebody in the showers or something weird.” Dean kisses each of Cas’s hipbones. “I guess I talked about you so much that they realized I don’t have eyes for anyone else.” Dean licks a stripe from base to tip and breathes hotly against Cas’s dick. “Even in a dorm full of hot, muscled grunts, I only have dreams about you.” Dean takes Cas in his hand and kisses the tip.

Castiel pulls Dean’s short hair, making Dean look up at him. “You better not hook up with some hot, muscled grunt. Or I’ll have to accept one of the many offers I get on campus. Now, shut up and blow me.”

Dean blinks heavily and stares into Cas’s eyes and goes down on him. It's messy and quick, but it gets the job done. Dean swallows and licks the remaining mess off Cas.

Cas puts himself away, and they switch places. Making out for a few minutes while Cas works Dean’s dick with his hand. Cas gets Dean good and worked up before he finishes him off with his mouth, swallowing all the evidence. 

“So,” Cas begins as he lays back against the wall, half facing Dean, as Dean fixes his jeans. “The guys in your squad don’t mind that you’re gay?”

“There’s a couple who are assholes about it, but they’re pretty much assholes about most things. But, the rest of the guys are pretty cool about it. As long as I don’t get all flamboyant or something stupid.” Dean grins and bats his eyelashes.

“I’m glad you’re not getting bashed or anything. Do the assholes treat you bad?” Cas asks while tracing a finger around Dean’s knee. 

“They treat everyone bad. They’re backwards hicks who are afraid of everything outside their stupid hillbilly bible-belt ways. Plus I got a few guys who have my back. And I can hold my own in a fight ya know.”

There’s a knock on the door, and both boys check their clothing to make sure they’re in order, “Dean, dad says you can’t lock your door when Cas is over. You better open up, or I’m tellin’” Sammy says through the closed and locked door. 

“Fine, ya, little bitch,” Dean grumbles, getting off the bed and opening the door.

“Jerk.” Sammy retorts.

“What’d ya want anyway, twerp?” Dean asks as he sits back down on the bed next to Cas. 

“Nothin’. Dad sent me to make sure y'all weren’t being gross or anything. Why’d ya have the door locked anyway?”

“To save your tender young eyes from seein’ us kissing, shortstuff,” Cas answers, tossing a pillow at Sammy. Sam catches the pillow and tosses it back at Cas. 

The three boys go downstairs to play video games until dinner. 

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ Present Day... _

Dean is brought out of his memories by a shadow looming over his table. He looks up and up and up until he’s looking into deep blue eyes. 

“Cas,” Dean says with a hint of surprise in his tone. How had he not heard the bell over the door? He stands, and they have an awkward moment before Dean grabs Castiel in an embrace. Cas hugs back just as tightly. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas says once they part. “It’s so good to see you.”

“Yeah, have a seat,” Dean offers, sitting back down in his own seat, “It’s really good to see you, too. Sorry about last night, I, um, I guess I was just, um, well, surprised and stuff.”

“I understand. I wish I’d known you were going to be there. Perhaps things could have been handled differently.” Cas apologizes and looks down at his coffee cup.

“Nah, it’s not your fault. I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that.” Dean waves it off like he wasn’t completely destroyed by seeing Cas with another man. “So, that guy?”

“Mick.” Cas offers.

Dean hums, “He’s your…”

“We just started dating last month.” Cas explains almost hurriedly, “Needless to say; he was quite confused by my reaction to seeing you. I, um, I actually ran out the door to see where you went. Mick, he basically kept me from running down the street to look for you. He made me explain what was going on, and that’s when I thought to call Benny and get your number. I knew he’d talked to you recently. That took some begging. Benny wasn’t sure if he should give me your number.” 

Dean watches as Cas talks. “Yeah, he and Sammy actually picked me up from the airport. I’m staying with the folks until I can find a place. Bobby’s offered me a job at the auto shop, which I’ll start soon.” Dean explains, “I guess I should have told Benny it was okay to give you my number, sorry.”

“I wish I’d know you were coming home. Your mom’s kept me pretty well up to date with how you've been doing since… well, since we last talked.”

Dean huffs out a sort of laugh, “Yeah, that was some ‘talk’ we had. But, hey, that’s ancient history. How’ve you been?”

Castiel tells him all about working at the veterinarian clinic and how he’s taking over much of the responsibilities as the old Doc is getting ready to retire. He rambles on and on about all his favorite pets and their crazy owners and about some of the more exotic animals he has gotten to treat. Dean listens intently, laughing, and enjoying the stories. Dean shares a couple of stories about the K-9 unit and how Cas would love those dogs and how scary those dogs can be when they’re on duty. They chat until the coffee is long gone and the sun is low in the sky. They chat until Cas’s phone pings.

Castiel frowns at his phone. 

“Everything okay there, Cas?” Dean inquires, noticing the disgruntled look on Cas’s face. 

“Yeah, it’s Mick. He’s asking about dinner plans.” 

“Oh.” Dean deflates, “Do you need to go?” The words taste as bad as they feel to say. 

Cas looks at his phone and back at Dean, “I probably should. Can we arrange to meet again? I’d love to catch up some more.”

Dean stares into Cas’s eyes, hating the fact that they have to part ways when things were going so well. “Yeah, I, um, I’d like that. My nights are open, so you just let me know what works best for you.”

“I’ll check my schedule and send you a text. Okay?”

Dean agrees. 

They stand together, and Cas is the one who goes in for the hug this time. Dean loves it and hates it at the same time. He wishes he could have more, but knows that can’t happen. Cas is no longer his to hug. Hasn’t been for a while now.

Dean watches Cas leave.

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ 2 years ago… _

Dean gets to come home on leave in July. He has new orders for deployment and six weeks leave before he has to travel. 

Castiel is taking the summer off from classes so he can be home with Dean.

They have been staying in touch while apart, but haven’t seen each other in person since Christmas, which Dean only got two weeks leave, and their visit was short with all the family activities. 

Castiel surprises Dean by renting a hotel room for the night so they can have time together away from both families. After the mandatory lunch with family, Dean and Cas head directly to the hotel. 

Dean is already stripping out of his shirt before Cas has the door locked. Cas stands back to admire Deans physique for a moment while he takes off his own shirt.

“The Army has been extremely good to your body, Dean. You look amazing.” Cas caresses Dean’s chest, and down his sides, he kneels in front of Dean and unbuckles his belt and opens his jeans. Cas mouths Dean’s erection through his boxer briefs. Dean sighs and puts a hand in Cas’s hair, mostly for balance. 

“I’ve missed you.” Cas breathes hotly against Dean’s bulge. “Jerking off together via Skype just ain't the same as getting to actually touch you.”

“T-tell me aaabout it.” Dean moans as Cas frees his cock. The cool air a drastic difference from Cas’s hot breath. “Mmm God, Cas. Wanna fuck you so bad.”

“Only if I get to fuck you later.”

“Deal.”

Cas stands and kisses Dean. They make their way to the bed while shedding the rest of their clothes. Cas gets the lube out of his backpack. “I’m still clean. I haven’t been with anyone else. Do we need condoms?”

“No, I’m grade A military clean. You’re my one and only, babe.”

Cas slowly jerks himself off while he walks toward Dean on the bed. “I can’t wait for you to fill me up. That dildo has nothing on your cock.”

“Get your ass over here and stop teasing.” Dean grins.

The night is spent in sexual bliss. There is no talking about the Army at all. Neither of them wants to spoil this precious time together. Castiel knows that Dean has new orders and Dean knows he’s going somewhere dangerous. But this night is not for heart-to-heart talks or fighting about Dean’s safety. No, this is a night for fucking and cuddling and kissing. For Castiel and Dean to be alone together without parents or siblings to interfere. They will talk another day. 

\----------X----------

“Dean, why can’t you just tell me where you’re going?” Cas asks, pausing the video game and receiving a grunt from Dean.

“Because you’ll get upset and we’ll fight.”

“So, it is the middle east.” Cas gapes at Dean.

“Jesus, Cas. Can’t we just play the stupid game?” Dean unpauses the game, only to have Cas re-pause it.

“After you tell me where you’re being deployed.”

“Fuckin’ fine! Turkey. Okay? I’m going to Turkey. Not some hot war zone. Jus some civil unrest and shit.” Dean tries not to shout at Cas, but he knows the news will start a fight anyway.

“Dammit, Dean. You know that ‘civil unrest’ is just PC news talk for war.”

“Cas, babe. I’m a mechanic and a driver. I’m not going to be on some front line fighting.”

“But you have to carry a rifle and wear all that body armor. What if something happens when you’re driving? I’ve seen Black Hawk Down, I’ve seen lots of war movies.” 

Dean drops his head into his hands, “Babe, I don’t wanna fight with you.”

Cas turns to look Dean fully in the face, “And I don’t want to lose you to some psycho militant in Turkey or some other war-stricken land. Dean, I watch the news. I know shit is bad over there, I can’t help but worry.”

“Awe, Cas worries about you,” Sammy teases from the doorway, “He wuvs you, smoochy-poo.”

“Sammy! Get outa here, or I’ll tell your little girlfriend, Jessica, that you still wet the bed!” Dean shouts as he throws a shoe at Sam. 

“I do not!” Sammy yells back.

“She doesn’t know that.” Dean counters.

Sammy gasps, “And, she’s not my girlfriend!”

Dean and Cas both laugh at that. 

“Only because you’re too scared to ask her out.” Castiel teases. 

“I’m not… I just… Mom!” Sammy storms off to try and tattle.

\----------X----------

Dean leaves in two days, and the tension between him and Cas is palpable.

Dean knows things are bad when his dad comes to him for a talk. Dad doesn’t do mushy-heart-to-heart, so Dean isn’t exactly sure what to expect.

“Son,” Dad begins as he sits in the chair at Dean’s desk, Dean sits on his bed and watches his dad closely. “I know you’re an adult, now, and I can’t treat you like a child by telling you what to do. But, this thing with Cas, fight you’re having…” Dad looks down at his hands before looking Dean in the eye. “You and Cas have been friends for far too long to let a disagreement come between you. Now, I don’t claim to know what’s got you boys in such a state, but you need to set things right before you take off to Turkey.” 

Dean tries not to fidget during his dad’s little speech.

“You don’t want to part ways angry with each other. Just give it some thought and talk to the boy tomorrow.”

“Dad, I tried to talk to him.” Dean nearly whines, feeling like a boy in trouble for fighting.

“Yeah, we could hear you two ‘talking’ downstairs. Maybe you could try lowering the volume and actually discussing the issue like adults instead of acting like spoiled children and yelling at each other.” 

Dean picks at a hangnail on his finger, unable to look at his dad.

“You’re going to be overseas for months, Dean. Do you really want to leave still angry with Cas? I thought you cared about him.”

Dean looks up sharply. “I do care about him, Dad. Cas, he… he means… he’s important, I … he…”

“You love him.” Dad says plainly, “Don’t you?”

Dean nods.

“Then do him the honor of treating him like you do and talk to him.”

Dean nods again. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”


	3. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the depiction of war and what Dean sees when his convoy is attacked. See endnotes for more details.

It's been two weeks since Dean and Castiel first met-up at the coffee shop. They’ve had two lunch meetings, and this evening they’re sitting in the Winchester living room. Dean figured it wouldn’t be too strange for them to meet at the house since Cas practically grew up there. 

The evening is going well; they spent about half an hour visiting with the Parents before Mom and Dad left to go out for the evening. That left Dean and Castiel home alone to talk. 

Dean shares a bit about how it is to be working at the Auto Shop with Bobby and some of the guys from high school. 

“Benny is the head mechanic, Garth runs the front desk, and Ash does most anything that needs to be done. Bobby’s got me working under Benny until I prove my abilities. As if Uncle Sam’s Army teaching me mechanics ain’t good enough for him.” Dean laughs.

“Well, you know Bobby, that paranoid old bastard doesn’t trust anyone.” Castiel joins Dean’s levity.

“Oh my God, remember the time he caught us messin’ around out in the junkyard?” Dean asks, slapping Cas on the knee.

“How could I forget? That was the worst bj you ever gave me!” Cas falls back into his seat, laughing. 

Dean gasps, “Hey, I was rudely interrupted. As I remember, I did finish you off later that night.” Dean’s laughter trails off when he catches Cas staring at his mouth. He cocks a smirk, “Whatcha thinkin’ there, Cas?” 

Cas blinks and brings his eyes up to Dean’s but quickly looks away. “I - I, um… just remembering.”

Dean leans forward, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped, “Wanna share with the class?”

Castiel sighs, taking his time to put his thoughts into words. “We were really good together, weren’t we?”

“Yeah, Cas, we were.” Dean lowers his head, “But, that was then, huh. Now you’re in a solid relationship with… Mick. Right?”

Castiel looks at the blank screen of the TV for a moment, then looks Dean in the eye. “Mick doesn’t like me visiting with you. He gets upset every time.”

Dean reaches out and places a hand on Cas’s knee, “Just how upset does he get? Does he take his anger out on you, Cas?” He asks worriedly. 

“No. He’s never violent. He, well, he won’t talk to me for a day or two after we meet. Sometimes even before. I haven’t heard from him in two days, ever since I told him about tonight.”

“Cas, Ba-... Cas, I don't like how that sounds. I’ve been through enough therapy to know that that sounds like emotional abuse. Have you told him how his actions make you feel?”

Castiel blinks and stares at Dean for nearly a full minute before he breaks.

“Who are you and what have you done with Dean Winchester? I didn’t know you even knew where to find feelings, much less how to talk about them.” 

“Fuck you, Cas.” Dean laughs and shoves Cas’s knee. “I’ve changed a lot from that wild kid you used to know.”

Cas’s smile fades into something soft; there’s a look in his eyes that Dean hasn’t seen in a long time. 

“Yeah,” Cas says softly, “You have changed.” He clears his throat, “But, I think I like the new you.”

Dean refuses to allow himself even to begin to think about how that little sentence makes him feel. Until he saw Cas with Mick that fateful night, he’d held on to hope that they might get back together. But, Dean’s not about to weasel in and cause trouble. Or has he already? He never meant to start problems between Cas and Mick. He honestly just wanted to be friends with Cas again. He’d take that, if they were friends, at least he’d have Cas back in his life. 

“Cas,” Dean starts, not exactly sure what about to spill out of his mouth, “If seeing me, even as friends, causes trouble with your relationship… Maybe, you shouldn’t meet with me - or at least not alone.”

“No. No, we’re all adults, and Mick needs to get over whatever his problem is. You’re my best friend, and I’m so very glad that you’re back in my life. I’ve missed you terribly. I’m not going to lose you again.”

Dean swallows around a lump in his throat; he wants to hug Cas. Well, he really wants to kiss him, but a hug would be nice, too. “What… what are you going to do? About Mick?”

“Well, Talk to him. Find out what his issue is…”

“Cas, you know his issue. It’s me.”

“But, I’m not cheating or anything. You and I have a long history and friendship that goes back to middle school. More than just ex-boyfriends.”

“Yeah. Cas. Can you see how Mick could view things?”

Cas tilts his head in question and squints at Dean. “What do you mean?”

“Wow. When did you get so thick-headed? How long have you known me?”

“Um, eleven years,” Cas replies, still squinting at Dean.

“How long have you known Mick?”

“Almost three months.” Cas’s faces turns from questioning to realization. “Oh. Yeah. Okay.”

“Yeah, okay. How can three months compete with eleven years? I’m sure Mick is more jealous of our history than he is of our present.” Dean theorizes. 

“I dunno, I’ve kinda talked a lot about you since seeing you again.” 

Dean flutters his lashes and fans himself like he may swoon, “Y’all talk about little ole me?” 

“Shut up.” Cas flops back against the couch. 

With that, the moment is broken, and Dean realizes that Cas’s beer is empty. “Ready for another?” he gestures with his empty soda can. 

“Sure, one more can’t hurt.” Cas gets up and follows Dean to the kitchen. Dean grabs one beer and one water, opens the beer and hands it to Cas. They mosey back to the living room. Cas sits in the armchair and Dean sits on the end of the couch nearest him, just the opposite from how they were seated before. 

“You sure you should be sittin’ here drinkin’ with me?” Dean teases and winks at Cas.

Cas glares at him and takes a swig of his beer.

Dean watches him.

“Hey, what’da say we meet up next time at the Roadhouse and invite Benny and Garth and Mick along? Maybe it’d do Mick good to meet me and hang out with some of the old gang.”

Cas smiles his big gummy smile, and Dean melts a little bit inside.

“That’s a great idea. You hit up Benny and Garth and let me know when works best for everyone, and I’ll make sure Mick is there, too.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Dean smiles as he dies just a little more, being around Cas is wonderful and horrible at the same time. He loves getting to hang out and catch up. Talking with Cas has been wonderful, Cas having a boyfriend is horrible. 

The next hour flies by and then another hour slips by as they share stories and memories. 

Cas looks at his watch, and his eyes go wide, “Dean, it’s 11:30. How late are your parents staying out? I figured they’d be back before now. I was kind of gaging the time by their return.”

“Oh no, Mom made Dad take her to a show, then for a romantic dinner. It’s date night. They won't be home for a while. Why?” Dean smirks and wags his eyebrows,    
“You wanna mess around?”

Cas gulps audibly, “Dean!” He gasps.

“Just kidding!” Dean holds up his hands to placate Cas. Only half kidding but whose telling. 

“But, I do have to be at work early in the morning.” Cas frowns. “I’d much rather drink and reminisce the night away with you.”

“You just about have. You okay to drive?” Dean gestures at the empty beer bottle on the coffee table.

“Um, two beers in like five hours. Yeah, I’m good, Dean.”

They get up, and Dean walks Cas to the door. Cas stops halfway out the door and turns to face Dean, pulling him into a hug. Dean relaxes into Cas just a little bit. 

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ 18 months ago… _

Dean has been in Turkey for six months, and he swears to Cas every week when they talk that nothing terrible has happened to him. Everything is very routine. They go out on patrols to the surrounding towns and maintain a safe convoy through the checkpoints. Dean gets to drive sometimes, but other times he’s left behind to work on other vehicles. There’s been some rioting, but it’s been mostly quiet since Dean arrived in country. Dean tries to call on Thursdays each week, because most of the guys want to call on the weekend, and because Cas doesn’t have class on Thursdays, so it’s been their day for Cas’s last two semesters. 

They fought the week before Dean left, but made up in the best way the day before he had to go. They have often been emailing and calling once a week every week since Dean got to Turkey. 

Until Dean didn’t call one week. 

That week, Cas received a call from Dean’s Mom.

“Cas, Dear. We’ve just received word about Dean. Now, it’s serious but Dean,” She sniffs and steadies herself, “Dean’s going to be okay. His convoy was attacked. There were many injuries and a few deaths within his team. Dean was injured but not critically. So the Captain tells me.” 

Cas can only breathe heavily into the phone; he tries to form words. “But…” He attempts. “Dean…” He cries and drops the phone to his lap. He can barely hear Dean’s Mom calling his name. 

“Cas. Castiel.”

He puts the phone back to his ear. “‘M here.”

“Honey, you need to know that Dean is going to be okay. He’s strong. Captain Sheppard insisted that his injuries were minor. Plus, once he’s out of the hospital, he will get to come home on medical leave.”

Cas sobs, “That’s… good, I guess.”

“It is good, Sweetheart.”

“But, I’m not going to be able to come home until Spring Break.”

“Everything will work out, Dear. I just know it will.” Mom says a bit too optimistically for Cas’s ears.

\----------X----------

Dean’s injuries are, in fact minor. He has a broken leg, fractured ribs, and a concussion. 

The truck two in front of his had been hit with an IED, and the explosion threw the middle truck into Dean’s. Dean looked in his mirror just in time to see a little girl walking up to the truck behind his; she waved before throwing something up into the window of the truck and running away. It turns out it was a grenade. Dean’s head hit the window frame with the grenade exploded inside the truck behind him. He was knocked unconscious. 

The fact that his physical injuries were minor didn’t seem to help the fact that psychologically he’s a total wreck. 

He barely eats and refuses pain medication. He fights sleep because sleep allows for dreams, and the only thing he sees when he closes his eyes is that pretty little girl waving at him, then blackness. 

Dean is released from the hospital, but he refuses to go home on his medical leave. 

Soon, Dean is transferred to a base in the UK and is put on light duty until his leg and ribs heal completely. Part of his medical treatment is seeing a psychiatrist, which Dean does not like. But, because he’s still not eating regularly and has lost a significant amount of weight he is sent for inpatient care in the mental health ward. In just a few months, he is deemed unfit for duty and medically discharged from the Army. The Army sends him back home, but Dean doesn’t stay. He quickly moves to Texas and works odd jobs until he can find work at a local garage. He hates his life in Texas, but he can’t face going home. 

The next year is rough. Dean starts drinking too much, that mixed with his antidepressants sends him on a downward spiral for a few months until he lands back in a mental ward after being arrested for a fight at a liquor store. The time in hospital gets him dry and his meds regulated again. He goes back to work a new man. No more drinking. He focuses on saving money for the next six months until he works up the nerve to go back home. 

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ Present day... _

Dean talks Benny and Garth into going out on Friday night. They all meet at the Roadhouse. Cas and Mick arrive shortly after Garth. The evening goes surprisingly well, considering the side-eyes Mick keeps throwing Dean. Everyone is laughing and talking and sharing embarrassing stories from the high school days. Mick laughs and nods along with the stories. 

Dean gets up to excuse himself for the restroom, and that’s when it happens. 

Across the dining room, he sees her. A pretty little dark-haired girl and she looks right at him and waves, smiling. Suddenly he feels the anxiety and fear; when the child reaches up her arm, Dean has a moment that he thinks that there is something in her hand. The memory of the concussive sound and heat washes over him, and he stumbles and grabs a nearby chair, disrupting the people sitting at that table. He wipes his hand down his face and looks back across the room. The child is now laughing and talking to her father. 

“Dean?” Cas touches his arm. “Are you alright? Do you need help?”

Dean nods. He isn't sure what question he’s answering. But the little girl is real. She’s a different child. He’s at the Roadhouse with friends, and he’s safe. 

“Yes, Dean. You are. Now, let’s get you to the men’s room.” Cas replies.

Dean stares at Cas. Did he say all that out loud? 

Cas helps him to the men’s room, and Dean splashes his face with cold water. He stands with his hands gripping the sink, unable to look in the mirror or at Cas.

“Wanna tell me what just happened?” Cas asks, standing close but not touching.

Dean shakes his head. “Not really. Not right now.”

“Hey, Brother,” Benny pokes his head into the men’s room, “Your boyfriend just left.”

Cas whips around and opens the door all the way so he can fully see Benny, “He what?”

“He just up and left. Said to have you call him.”

“That fucking…” Cas growls, “That does it. Benny, can you stay with Dean for a few minutes? He isn’t feeling well.” Cas barges out of the restroom. 

“How you hangin’ there, Brother?” Benny asks Dean as soon as Cas is gone.

“Just a flashback, no big deal. I’ll be fine.” Dean tries to sound convincing, but he’s pretty sure he fails. 

A few moments after Benny and Dean are back at the table with Garth, Cas comes back inside and sits hard in his seat.

“That fucker was my ride. I just broke up with him.” Cas says as he grabs the nearest beer and downs it.

Dean stares wide-eyed.

Garth and Benny high five.

Cas just glares at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean sees a child throw a hand grenade into one of the trucks in his convoy. This causes him to have recurring nightmares and he has a hallucination about it.


	4. The Rest of the Story

Dean can’t believe what he just heard. Cas broke up with Mick. That was sudden. Or was it? Cas had mentioned Mick being the jealous sort. Is it Dean’s fault that they broke up? Should he have backed off and not met up with Cas? Could it be just a fight and Cas is going to go back to Mick after tonight? Dean stares at Cas, unsure how to respond to the news.

“... sick and tired of his attitude…” Dean hears Cas saying. “... just so jealous of anyone I spend time with, especially you. He actually yelled at me after our visit at your house. How dare he! I’m not a child…”

Cas is still rambling on and on about how pissed he is at Mick. Dean just sits there silently, allowing the deluge of words to wash over him. Is Cas really done with Mick? But, what does that mean for Dean? Does he have a chance? Should he even try? Is it wrong that he’s thinking about trying to hook up with Cas? Sure, Cas is bitching about his boyfriend, but having Cas share his thoughts and, well, anger with Dean feels almost good.

“... like you’re my ride, now.” Cas looks at Dean expectantly. 

“Huh?” Dean looks around the table, had he really missed Cas’s whole conversation?

“I said, I came here in Mick’s car, so I’m gonna need a ride home.”

“Oh, yeah, sure thing.” Answers Dean, still unsure of what all he missed.

“Damn Cas, if you wanted to be alone with Dean, all you had to do was say so.” Benny teases, “You know Dean’s always willing when you’re concerned.”

Dean punches Benny in the arm. Benny just continues to laugh. Cas grins and looks anywhere except at Dean. Garth orders another pitcher of beer and a pitcher of water. They hang around the Roadhouse for a couple more hours, mainly trash-talking old girlfriends and boyfriends and trying to one-up each other in the worst pick-ups. By the end of the night, Cas is in a better mood, and Dean has all but forgotten his momentary lapse with the flashback earlier. Overall it's a good night with good friends. 

Cas follows Dean to his car when they all leave. Benny and Garth head to their respective vehicles. 

“I still can’t believe your dad finally caved and gave you the Impala.” Cas remarks as he slides into the passenger seat.

“Gave, nothin’. I had to buy this baby off him.” Dean replies.

“What? Really?”

“You know my dad. He doesn’t believe in somethin’ for nothin’. I had to pay him a grand to get the title.”

Cas sighs and gets comfortable in the seat, looking back to the back seat briefly. “Well, at least now she’s really yours.”

Dean grins at that. Pulling out of the parking lot, he heads for Cas’s apartment. 

“Cas,” Dean is still worried about Cas and needs to know that he’s really okay, “All that stuff you said about Mick. Was that just because you were mad?”

Cas’s lips are a thin line, and he stares out the front window a moment before he answers. “Partially, yes. But, honestly, we were never a good fit. I really like him and would like to be friends, but once we started going out… I dunno it just wasn’t … good anymore. Mick was jealous of everyone. I can’t live like that.”

“What do you mean he was jealous of everyone? Did he not trust you?”

“No, not that. He was jealous of the time I spent with anyone besides him. Even my family.”

“Shit, that’s bad. You don’t need some controlling bastard telling you who you can spend time with.”

“You’re right. And that’s the main reason I broke up with him tonight.”

“What else? Was he a C minus lay or something?” Dean smirks, teasing Cas. 

Cas stares at Dean, “I’ve had better.” 

Dean freaks out on the inside, but laughs and makes the turn at the light. 

“Wrong way,” Cas says dryly.

“Huh?”

“You turned the wrong way. My place is that direction.” Cas gestures over his shoulder with his thumb.

“Ah, shit. Hang on; I got this.” Dean turns around in a bank parking lot and gets them back on the right path. Damn Cas and his… everything… God Dean is having a hard time not giving in to his want for Cas tonight. Especially not that he’s well and truly broken things off with Mick. But, get a grip Dean, that was mere hours ago, give the man time to get over his break up. 

Dean looks over, and Cas is grinning.

“You laughin’ at my drivin’?”

“I should be, but I’m not.” Cas teases, “I’m just realizing that I’m not sad. I’m not upset about breaking things off with Mick. This is nothing like…” Cas doesn’t finish his sentence, he just looks over at Dean, and Dean knows.

They never actually broke-up. Dean just never came back after the convoy was hit. It took him eighteen months to work up the courage to face Cas again. And now here they are, in Dean’s car.

“Do you want to come up?” Cas asks.

“Do I… Cas; I’m not sure that the best idea tonight.”

Cas’s whole demeanor drops. “Oh, okay.”

“It’s late, and it’s been one hell of a wild night. I think you need a good night’s sleep. How ‘bout lunch tomorrow? You pick the place.”

Cas nods, “Okay, you’re probably right.”

“I’m always right.” Dean winks.

That makes Cas grin, and Dean’s heart soars at the sight. 

“Dean,” Cas begins as Dean pulls into the parking spot for Cas’s apartment, “Can…” He sighs and looks at Dean, “Can I get a hug?”

“Always, Cas.” Dean shuts off the car and gets out, walking around to the passenger side to meet Cas. He wraps his arms around Cas and pulls him into a strong, loving embrace. Holding on to Cas until Cas finally breaks the hug.

\----------X----------

Dean is sitting in his favorite dinner, looking across the table at his favorite person, and he just ordered his favorite burger plate. There’s only one thing that could make this lunch date better, and that’s if it really was a date and not just two friends having lunch. But there’s no way Dean is going to push that boundary, no matter how badly he wants to. 

Dean listens as Cas chatters away, telling a story about a little yellow lab puppy who tried to make friends with a skunk. Cas is smiling and laughing and appears to be in a good mood. Dean is thoroughly enjoying just being here with Cas, date or not it’s a wonderful time. 

Their food arrives, and both men dive in, hungrily attacking their meals. They continue to share funny stories throughout the meal. Dean talks about some of the happenings at the auto shop and Cas shares a few more tales about the vet clinic.

Once their food is almost gone, Cas looks seriously at Dean.

“This evening I have a sort of date with Mick. The thing is, I want to talk to him face to face about why we can no longer be together. I feel kinda shitty for breaking up over the phone.”

“And Mick’s amiable?” Dean asks.

“Yes, he seems to be.”

“I guess that’s a good thing. Y’all should end things like adults, and not like angry kids. But, you’ll call if things go sideways, right?”

“Dean, we’re meeting in public, and if anything goes ‘sideways’ I’ll just leave. I’m not going to stick around if he gets ugly about the breakup. Besides, I don't think he will. He’s generally a good person.”

Dean thinks it's adorable that Cas still actually makes the hand sign for quotes when he says a quote. He can’t help smiling at it. 

“Well, I trust you, Cas. Make good choices.”

Cas smiles and finishes his fries, staring at the few fries left on Dean’s plate. Dean rolls his eyes and slides his plate closer to Cas, who gobbles up the last of the fries.

“So, I have a question,” Cas announces after washing down the fries with a drink of his coke, “How long is a person supposed to wait to start dating again after a breakup?”

Dean chokes on his ice tea. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Why? Do you have someone in mind?”

“Yeah. There’s this guy I went out with before, and we had a lot of fun together. I was hoping he might be interested in trying again. Maybe this time things might work out for the long haul.”

“Oh, really? So, Did this guy treat you right?” Dean asks suspiciously, knowing or at least hoping that Cas was talking about him.

“Mostly. Everything seemed to be going great when he just fell off the face of the earth. He didn’t even return my calls.” Cas glares at Dean. 

“He sounds like an ass. You sure you want to hook back up with such a loser? Sounds like a lot of work.”

“Well, ya see, I have this weakness for big projects that need a lot of work. You know a long term sort of job.”

“Oh, so, you like a fixer-upper? And Mick, he wasn’t the type of project you’re into?”

“Nah, I don't like the jealous type. I trust someone with and loyalty and consideration. All qualities that this ‘fixer-upper’ has and he’s not overbearing or controlling.”

“Sounds pretty good for a long term commitment.” Dean plays with his napkin, folding and unfolding it into different shapes.

“Ya think? Cas raises one eyebrow and gazes into Dean’s eyes. “So you think 48 hours is long enough to grieve a broken relationship?”

“Um…” Dean stammers for words.

“Because I really do want to find out if this ex-boyfriend of mine is at all interested in getting back together.”

“I, um, I think if you were to be upfront with the ex of yours, he may very well be open to considering dating again.” Dean tries to keep his voice calm.

“Well, since I have a meeting tonight with Mick to confirm closure to our brief relationship. I think I’ll give my ex a call in the morning. How early do you think I should call?”

Dean feels like he’s vibrating. How is Cas so calm? He wants to grab Cas and smother him in kisses, but Cas wants to play this little game, so Dean’s going to play along.

“You should definitely call early. You don't want him to have plans and be out when you call.”

Cas smiles, “Good idea.” He reaches across the table and places his hand on top of Dean’s, “So you’re okay if I call you when I wake up in the morning? I don’t want you to be out and busy or anything.”

Dean turns his hand over and laces their fingers together. “You could call me in the middle of the night, and I’d answer.”

\----------X----------

Lying awake in bed, Dean watches the light slowly filling his room as the sun comes up. He tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep last night, the whole time imagining what might have happened at Cas’s meeting with Mick. He trusted that Cas would be safe and that Mick would be a gentleman about the whole break up, or at least he hoped the meeting would be civil. Dean couldn’t help worrying about Cas; it’s like it’s ingrained in Dean’s DNA. This morning, he’d woken up before sunrise and has been unable to go back to sleep. He knows that Cas is going to call this morning, but definitely not so early. Dean feels like a teenaged girl waiting on a boy to call. He thought about texting Cas, but he doesn’t want to wake him or appear needy or impatient. 

Once the sun is fully up, Dean gets up to take care of his toilet needs and take a shower. He gets dressed, checking his phone way too often. It’s still very early, and Cas has never been much of a morning person. Dean decides on coffee and toast to tide himself over, just in case he can talk Cas into meeting for breakfast. 

While he’s waiting for Cas to call, Dean takes care of a few chores. He gets a load of laundry started and tidies up the living room and his bedroom. He’s preparing to clean his bathroom when his phone rings. 

“Morning, Sunshine,” Dean answers when he sees Cas’s ID pop up.

“Good morning, Dean. You sound in a good mood so early in the morning.” Cas replies, sounding only half awake like he hasn’t fully caffeinated yet. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve been up a while. Couldn’t sleep. How are you doing this morning?” 

“I think I’ll be alright, once I get some caffeine in me. Waiting on this slow ass coffee maker right now.” Cas grumbles. 

Dean chuckles. “Hey, I was thinking, maybe we could meet for breakfast.”

“Sounds like a good idea. I need to caffeinate and shower first. Wanna meet at the diner in … an hour?”

“Sure, see you in an hour.”

An hour later, Dean walks into the diner to find Cas already at a booth. Dean slides in opposite him and waves at the waitress for coffee.

“Hiya, Cas.” Dean smiles, loving the grumpy, mussy haired look that Cas has going on.

“Good morning, again, Dean.” The corner of Cas’s mouth turns up in a small smile as he reaches across the table to touch Dean on the forearm, “I have good news this morning.”

Dean gives the waitress his order and turns to face Cas. “I’m always up for good news.”

“Things are officially over with Mick. He was upset at first, but after we talked, he understood my side of things, and we parted amicably. He wasn’t opposed to being friends, but suggested we wait a while before we rekindle a friendship.”

“Well, that does sound good, Cas,” Dean interjects. “ And it could be awkward to continue to hang out immediately after breaking up, I guess.”

“He did say that he had a good time with Benny and Garth the other night.”

“But, not with me, huh?”

“Well, he, uh, he could tell that there was - is something between us. And he admitted to being jealous of you, of us.”

Dean nods, not knowing exactly what to say to that.

“For the longest time, I kept trying to convince him, and maybe myself, that he didn’t have anything to worry about. But, it appears that Mick was right. I, um, I think that, from the moment I saw you at the museum, it was over for Mick. I tried to pretend that you and I could be just friends; but, Dean, I don’t want that. I’ve never wanted that.”

Dean reaches across the table and takes Cas’s hand, nodding in agreement. The truth is that Dean has always wanted to be with Cas, and that didn’t even stop when he was at his lowest point. Seeing him with Mick only made him want Cas more, want what he was missing, want what Mick had. 

Cas continues, “Can I tell you something, and you swear not to laugh?”

“Seriously, you better not tell me a joke… okay, okay, I swear not to laugh.” Dean crosses his fingers over his heart. 

“Mick was the first person I even tried to have a relationship with after you left. I, uh, I did try the whole one night stand thing and tried the bar pick up thing… but I always felt like I was cheating on you in the beginning. When I met Mick, I thought, well, it's been almost a year and a half, maybe Dean really is gone.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. The past eighteen months were pretty rough. You wouldn’t have liked me this time a year ago.” Dean tries to make amends, knowing he still has to open up and tell Cas what really happened after his convoy was attacked. 

“The thing is, Dean. You did come back. And when I saw you. I forgot all about Mick. I felt awful for running out on him like that, but I couldn't help myself. You’ve been the center of my universe for nearly half my life. There’s a huge hole in my world when you’re not a part of it. I need you. I - I never stopped loving you.” Cas wipes his hand down his face and finds it moist with tears; he huffs out a laugh. “God, I guess I haven’t had enough caffeine yet.” 

“Oh, Cas, I’ve missed your Hallmark moments.” Dean grins and squeezes Cas’s hand. “I promise that, as I can, I will tell you everything that happened. Some of it is just too ugly and still too hard to talk about. But, I want you to know that in every dark moment I lived through, you were always the light at the end of the dark tunnel that I was fighting to get back to.”

Cas gives a weepy laugh, “Talk about Hallmark moments.”

“Yeah, well…” Dean rolls his eyes and flips Cas off in jest. “I gotta say, when I saw you with Mick, I thought I’d waited too long and lost my chance with you.”

“I’m glad you came back. The timing was okay. Mick and I had only been out a handful of times, and I think he was much more into me than I was into him.”

Dean smiles, wickedly, “What’da say we finish up and go back to mine, or yours?”

“I say mine because you’re staying with your folks.”

They finish their meals, glancing across at each other, and sharing silly smiles. 

Once they reach Cas’s apartment, Dean waits for Cas to park and they walk in holding hands. Cas closes and locks the door and turns to find Dean in his space. 

Dean reaches up and gently places his hand on Cas’s cheek, “Cas, I’m sorry for abandoning you. For hurting you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I hated myself, I loved you. I swear to you now, on everything holy, I will never leave you again.” He leans in and kisses Cas with all the love he has held in his heart since the day they met. 

Cas kissed back with just as much emotion.

Dean grins and chuckles softly when they finally break apart.

“What’s so funny?” Cas asks suspiciously. 

“Mom is going to be so happy that we’re back together. She says that I’m driving them nuts with my worrying over you and Mick. She says I’ve been pining over you and moping around all the time. I don’t think I’ve been moping.”

Cas laughs at that as he takes Dean by the hand and leads him toward his bedroom. 

Dean pauses just outside the bedroom door, “Are you sure you’re ready?”

Cas turns and raises one eyebrow, staring intensely into Dean’s eyes, “Dean, if you don’t make love to me right now. I’m going to tell your mom that you made me cry at breakfast.”

Dean laughs and practically rips his shirt off, “Yes, sir.”

◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡◠◡

_ Three months later… _

Dean and Cas have invited everyone to their house warming party. They finally got things all moved in just yesterday, and they’re both excited to show off their new home to family and friends. 

Dean mans the grill until his dad arrives and forcibly takes over so that Dean can mingle with his guests. 

Cas is busy giving a tour to both their moms when Dean finds him. Dean has been showing Benny, Garth, and Bobby the garage. Sammy and Anna are busy checking out the sound system in the living room. 

Cas’s dad comes in and lets everyone know that the burgers are ready, and everyone heads outside to the back porch. 

Dean and Cas are thrilled to have a place that their family and friends can visit, with plenty of room for all. 

The dinner conversation is loud and exciting and fun. After they eat, they play cards for a while, until the parents and Bobby decide it’s time to go home and let the young folks keep the party going. The party does last a few more hands of cards before the rest of the guests begin to trickle out. Finally, Benny and Garth are the only ones left, so they call it a night. 

Cas and Dean clean up the last of the party leftovers and put the cards away. Dean looks around the living room before Cas joins him. 

Cas wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and kisses him on the back of the neck, “Penny for your thoughts.” he whispers.

“I just realized how lucky I am. Even after all, I went through and all I put you through. We still ended up here. Together. In our own home.”

“You’re such a sap. I love that about you.” Cas nibbles just below Dean’s ear. “So, you big ole softy, are you ready to christen our new king size bed in our very own bedroom?”

Dean turns in Cas’s arms and kisses him. “Race ya to the bedroom.” 


End file.
